


Calm

by ashinan



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Supernanny Coulson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-03
Updated: 2012-04-03
Packaged: 2017-11-03 00:04:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/374849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashinan/pseuds/ashinan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coulson really just wants to watch Supernanny in peace, thank you very much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Calm

Phil sits down heavily in the Avengers living room, entire body slouching against his wishes. The mission had been hell on his psyche, and even more on his body. He can actually feel stress bruises starting around his thumbs where he had held the walkie talkie and the gun, the rope rash down his legs when he had climbed back up to the helicopter, and the round contusions peppered over his chest and stomach. Even his tie hurts, and it’s barely tightened.

Searching for the remote, he groans at the pull in his lower back. He’s getting far too old for this. There’s a commotion down the hall, an explosion, and Clint comes flying through the side door, landing heavily on the couch and Phil’s lap. It’s a measure of how well adapted Phil is that he doesn’t shoot Clint in the head.

“Hey, whoa, hi,” Clint says, peering up at him. And not getting off Phil’s lap. “Did you get Hulk smashed?”

“No,” Phil says, ignoring how Clint squirms about until he’s curled around Phil’s body. He puts the bow on the top of the couch, aiming one of his arrows at the door. Phil huffs. “I will say this once, Barton. I have been forced on medical leave, Supernanny is on, and I have a Taser in my back left pocket. I will use it on you.”

“Shh, Stark is pissed and I’m planning an ambush,” Clint says, bumping Phil with his hip. Phil sighs.

“Taser, Barton. I have one.”

“And you wouldn’t use it on  _me_ ,” Clint says, winking at him. Phil shoves at him and finally locates the remote. He turns on the television right as Tony Stark comes hurtling into the room.

Three things happen at once: Clint fires, Supernanny screams, and Tony hurls something large and metallic at Clint’s head. The arrow hits its mark and Tony is forced back against the wall, sticky webbing keeping him there. Supernanny gets mud to the face. Clint gets attacked by a large metallic  _thing_ that has him screaming like a five year old and beating at it furiously with his bow.

Deciding he’s had enough, Phil lifts his hips, grabs Clint around the waist, and electrocutes the damn metallic monstrosity. It’s a spider, thick webs curled around its legs and attached to Clint’s face and it dies a pitiful death. Tony groans in the corner, fighting with the webbing and swearing up a storm. Supernanny is doing the same.

“ _Enough_!” Phil says, quiet, and even the television’s volume goes down at the sound of his voice. Tony picks at the sticky webbing and Clint crowds a little closer to him, glaring at Tony over Phil’s shoulder and Phil sighs. “I am on  _medical leave_. I have been shot at, harassed, and genuinely believed I was going to die. I wish simply for a day of Supernanny, perhaps something to eat, and  _quiet time_. Do you understand me?”

Pouting at the floor, Tony struggles again the webbing and Clint fixes Phil’s tie. Phil sighs, shoving Clint off his lap, and quietly asks, “Jarvis, can you inform Steve Rogers that his Stark is currently pinned to a wall and, though I would very much love to watch Supernanny while he drools into the carpet, I have no need of his whining.”

“Oi!” Tony says, indignant. Phil waves him off.

“Also, if you could inform Director Fury that all calls pertaining to the Avengers and their ‘handling’ will be fielded through Ms. Hill, that would be greatly appreciated.”

“Of course, Agent Coulson,” Jarvis says, whir-clicking in amusement.

“You are the worst AI  _ever_ ,” Tony whines. Phil picks up the remote again and turns up the volume. Steve comes to collect Tony, chiding at him for his failure to realize Clint was leading him into a trap. There’s a general scuffle while they get the webbing off, and Tony whines at Steve until Steve shuts him up with a kiss, but Phil ignores them as Supernanny cracks down on two insolent brats. The living room quiets down and Phil starts to relax again, the muscles in his back unclenching one by one.

Of course, that is when Clint squirms into view again, looking manic and proud all at once.

Phil drops his head against the back of the couch. Medical leave,  _his ass_. “Fine.”

And Clint pounces.


End file.
